Diet Caffeine-Free Coke

August 27, 2008

Matthew: diet caffeine free coke is one of the saddest beverages in the world

ditto the Pepsi equiv

Chris: basically it is a can that says I DON’T DESERVE PLEASURE

Matthew: they should have little thorns on the can

Chris: when you pop open the can, instead of hissing, it just sighs heavily

if you put the can down on a pile of blank tax returns it will fill them all out for fun and then fall asleep

Matthew: a hairshirt cozy

Chris: when you bring it out on a boat, a strip of extremely heavy zinc sunblock will appear across its front from out of nowhere

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